Random Acts of Art
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I thought that I’d finaly found a method to draw trees in color.
Starting out with the silhouette of a tree in one color and then adding more colors. But I don’t like this drawings. The drawing I made yesterday is better.
I’ll have to go with the theory that it’s quite possibe to work rough when you’re painting but that you have to concentrate on details when you draw.
Silhouette tree 1
Silhouette tree 2
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If I can’t trace the picture in my mind I should try to draw something that looks like it.
For the last few months I’ve been trying to draw objects in the way I see them in my mind. Photographic memory quality.
But that doesn’t seem to work. Probably because I don’t have the skills.
So I’ve decided to apprauch the problem from the other side. I should first learn to draw something that at least looks like a tree (and other objects). Maybe I can reach a stage where I can at least draw something that vaguely looks like the picture in my mind.
Tree abstract
In my mind this doesn’t look like a tree. Or actually it does look like a tree but not like a photograph of a tree.
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Or why having a photographic memory seems to be a disadvantage when you’re learning how to draw.
Over the last two years I’ve learned how to play poker. I won’t say that I’m the worlds best poker player but I can hold my own in free games.
Two years ago I saw something about poker sites on the telly. I’ve always been very bad in card game. But I was curious as to how poker would be played on line. I went to have a look and it turned out to be very easy… to join the game.
At first I had no idea of what I was doing. But I only had to push a few buttons and the software took care of the rest.
After a few days I found that I actually won some times. Most of the time I lost but sometimes I won.
My interest was peeked and I used the information on the poker site to find out what the rules of the game where. What card combinations would give me a fair change of winning and which card combinations always lost. After that I won some more. Or maybe I should say I lost less.
Over the last year my skills improved and my winnings improved until they topped off a few months ago.
I could go on improving my skills. But I would have to study and play a lot. I’m choosing to spend more time drawing and blogging.
The point is that I started with no expectations. When I found that this was something that I could do I improved my knowledge.
From having more knowledge and spending a lot of time at it, I gained skills and my game improved.
With drawing it’s a completely different story. Because of my photographic memory I know everything there is to know about drawing. For every picture I want to draw ten or twenty paintings, photographs and drawings pop into my mind before I’ve even sat down.
And since I can see these pictures in my mind I expected that it would be very easy to draw them. It isn’t. I don’t have the skills.
I’m finding that getting skills doesn’t work the same for me as what I see in other people (children).
Children usually start out with a very simple picture and add stuff until it looks like something. Since they don’t have any expectations of the end result anything goes.
I’ve tried that but for some reason it doesn’t work.
Could be because of all the pictures in my mind. Could be that there is some other reason. I’ll just have to figure it out.
For now. Here are the trees I’ve been promising.
They don’t look like the picture in my mind. Which means that I’m not sure whether I should be proud that I’ve put something on paper. Or that I should be disappointed because of the lack of quality of the drawing.
Tree 7
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I wanted to draw a little group of trees in fall that where loosing their leafs. With all the reds, browns, yellow and greens. But when I started I realized that I still don’t know how to draw trees.
I have all those pictures of real trees and painted trees in my mind. The real trees have thousands of leafs and I don’t think I have either the patience or the time to draw them all. The painted trees are drawn with thick brushes making broad strokes in a style you can’t replicate using pencils.
When I started with this drawing I wanted to find out which colors I would need to mix the colors I wanted. But very soon I discovered that the tree looked like the first attempt of a little child.
Tree 5
On second thought I tried a little composition with a street and several trees. But the trees don’t satisfy me.
My next assignment will be to think about the shape and color of the pencil drawn trees.
Tree 6
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The main objective with the drawing was to try whether it is actually possible to draw something with mixed colors.
Could it be
The sky is build up out off different hues of grey and blue. Every tree is a different combination of green with a blue’s and red’s. Even the grass is a combination of greens and browns.
The drawing is horrible but it does work!
I don’t think I will every be in the list of 65 worlds greatest paintings.
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When I was five my cousin Eddy emigrated to Canada.
Twenty five years ago he came back for a visit. I don’t remember very much of that.
Last Saturday my father called to tell me that Eddy would be visiting his sister Ina on Sunday. My father would go there and he asked me whether I liked to join him. I did.
Ina had invited several of her brother friends from the old days and her neighbours. The weather was beautiful so we sat in the garden. She makes a living of being a garden artist so she has a nice, all be it small, garden.
Neighbors tree
I took the opitionity to observe these neuro typicals. One of my bigger problems in dealing with people is that I never knew what to say to them. So while everyone around me was busy having a conversation, I was watching in silence. But now I know that I have a problem with talking I don’t consider it a problem anymore.
But there is something more going on. It’s not only that I have a problem with talking. It’s also that I wouldn’t know what to say to these people.
My father asked Eddy for how long he would be staying in the Netherlands and when he arrived. Which is a strange question because just last week he talked about that with Ina. So Why would he ask Eddy the same question.
Ina’s neighbor had a few stories about things I don’t remember. Couldn’t be very important.
With some surprise she pointed us to a strange tree in a neighbors garden she thought to be dying. From her kitchen she only could see the leave less top.
Although I liked the visit I concluded that what neuro typicals tell each other, about liking to hear each others voice, is true. Most of the things they talked about weren’t that important. It seemed as though they were just making noise.
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Bart Westgeest suggested that I should use three colors green for a tree instead of two, four or five as I’ve been trying up till now. He suggest that especially the middle color is important. I’ve used three greens for this pictures although probably not in the way he meant.
It’s now a little over six months ago that I discovered that I’m autistic and I must say that although it took some getting used to it has made my live a lot easier.
Last Wednesday I had a … attack. I don’t know what to call the feeling but it isn’t a nice feeling. Somewhere between feeling trapped and being restless.
Looking out of my kitchen window
I have had it before. Lots of times. Up till now when I got this feeling I asked my manager for the rest of the day off and usually got it. But since it was a feeling I had lots of times it meant that I never took vacation because I needed my days for the … attack.
This time was different in that I knew that it had something to do with autism. I even had some idea as to what caused the attack: The work I’ve been doing was a little bit to chaotic for me. I liked it and I’ll probably do it again but I must make it clear to my manager that I decide when it is time to quit. This time he forced me to go on when I wanted to stop.
It has been like this for the last few months. Slowly all sorts of strange problems I’ve been having for most of my live are making more sense. For instance I never understood why people didn’t take me serious when I said that I didn’t like some kind of work. Now I know that was because I didn’t formulated it the right way.
For me “I don’t like” means every thing varying from I don’t like being tickled to I don’t like being killed. But Neuro Typical don’t see it like that. They use words that not only tell you what feeling they have but also to what degree they have that feeling. So they will tell you they don’t like some kind of work but do it if they must or they’ll tell you that they hate some kind of work and they won’t do it what ever the consequence.
Off course I always told people that I didn’t like something and that I wouldn’t do it what ever the consequence and people told me that I was being stubborn. I never understood why I was being stubborn while the next person was allow not to do the work.
Always being tench was also one of the strange things. Especially always talking to myself. I always had the feeling that talking to myself had something to do with tension but I never was sure. Nor did I understand what caused the tension.
Now I know. There are several causes but the most important has to do with the way I feel temperature. When I put on a sweater I feel cold shivers going down my back. Literally. My back doesn’t feel warmth. Or rather my back does feel warmth but everything is a little bit colder. Sweaters, showers even a sauna bath feels a little colder on my back.
When I first discovered this, it frightened me. It took a lot of getting used to.
When I go outside in the winter and I feel cold that doesn’t mean that my coat is to thin. It means that my coat is to thick.
But after a few months I’ve gotten used to it. I learning how to interpret the strange feelings I have. I’m learning how to understand them. I’m learning how to deal with them.
Hopefully in a few weeks I will get a large examination and find out what kind of autism I have and learn more about my feelings.
The only problem is the waiting list. I was registered in September 2006 and was told that the waiting period would be about six months. ByOctober I got a letter informing me that the waiting period had gone up to seven months. At the beginning of April I contacted them and was told that my examination would start within six weeks. In May they told me that it would be within three weeks.
I will be calling them again next monday.
But still. Although it’s sometime a frightening experience I am learning about myself.
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It seems that I was wrong when I said that it wasn’t possible with pencil to put a lighter color on top of a darker color. It is possible only you have to prepare to the color you draw first.
Color tree second blend 1th sketch
You start out with a thick line and blend it with a piece of paper (I suppose a tortillon would also work). After that you can put a lighter color on top.
Even yellow on top of blue doesn’t seem to be a big problem. I never tried it because I was convinced that it would turn green.
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