After doing my cars sketch I had to make a choice. Should I concentrate on perspective or should I try to get clearer pictures in my mind.
It wasn’t very hard to figure out what I was doing wrong. The usual. I was talking to myself while I was trying to draw from memory. When I talk to myself my concentration goes.
I should really try to break this habit.
But I’ve been trying for years. Every time it annoys me I’m motivated. But after a few hours the motivation shrivels away. I start wondering if talking to myself isn’t something I need.
It keeps the fears and other violent feelings away. Or does it?
I thought about it for a while but I didn’t find an answer. I watch some television, thought some more and went to bed.
Just before I fell a sleep I realize a few things.
- Twenty five years ago a psychiatrist told me that having pictures in ones mind was a sure sign that something was very wrong and that I should learn not to have those pictures. So I did.
- I don’t really talk to myself. I fantasize about conversations I could have with people and those imaginary conversation are just as tiring as the real thing.
- Learning to have imaginary conversations didn’t really temper violent feelings. That I never recognized my feelings is a symptom of autism. One has nothing to do with the other.
When I figured this out it was all the more important to get rid of this habit. It also was fairly obvious how I should go about it. I should concentrate on the pictures in my mind and that way the imaginary conversations should just go away.
I’ve been at it for almost two weeks now and the imaginary conversations are getting much easier to control. I can go for hours without having one.
Just after I awake I have a hard time not to give in to this habit. The rest of the day it doesn’t seem to be that difficult.
I only had one problem when I started the process of loosing this habbit. I found that the method I use to write articles closely resembles this process of imaginary conversations.
Until last week I had a two week gab between drawing a picture and publishing it and for most articles I had a one week gab between writing the article and publishing it. That meant that I should have written last weeks articles just a few days into the process. I didn’t think that would have been a good idea.
So loosing this habbit meant I had to take a little break from blogging for a week.
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