by Henk ter Heide on Saturday April 17, 2010
Sometimes I get reminded of all the stupid things I was taught when I was a child. Things like it’s better to quite an activity then not to finish the project you’re working on right now.
The purpose of this sketch was to find out if it’s possible to get these nice color mixes with color hatching while at the same time retaining some control over the color.
As it turns out, that is possible.
Because it’s easier to color between the lines I had helped myself by drawing some random lines.
But by doing so it felt as though this was supposed to be a real drawing.
So after I had colored a few panels and felt that I had nothing more to learn from this sketch and I wanted to put it on this site and move on.
But then I heard the very angry voice of my mother in my head. “You never finish anything!”. “You should finish what you start!”. “You are always procrastinating”. And drawing lost all of it’s fun.
That was how it used to be some 40 years ago.
At one point I took up dancing. Which was fun apart from the fact that I was the only guy present. (Which is fun when you’re 16 but not when you’re 13 and all the girls are better dancers then you are.)
You wouldn’t believe how mad my mother became when I announced that was going to quit.
After Mr. “nobody’s” comment I started thinking again and remembered that this sketch only has a limited goal.
Thinking about this some more I did realize one thing though. What is missing from my current way of working is speed. Since my best drawings where kind of accidental there is not much purpose to my thinking about what I’m doing on a drawing by drawing base.
I do realize that figurative drawings would sell much better then abstract. Drawing abstract is a way of experimenting with techniques without having the straight jacked of having to draw objects that are prospectively correct. (If nothing else I’ll always be a perfectionist).
I do want to go back to drawing more recognizable shapes. But only if I can find a way to draw the complicated world in which I’m living.
color hatching sketch
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by Henk ter Heide on Monday June 9, 2008
Thinking about subject matter, life goals and time management.
A few weeks ago I read a horror story about what can happen to your domain if you announce that you’re going to be off line for a few weeks. So I felt it better to schedule a few articles and leave.
Last week I was in the neighborhood of a small Dutch village called Haarle. With 19 other people from the Rotterdam Autie Club(Dutch) we spent a week in 4 little cottages.
It was a nice change to spent time with (from my perspective) normal people and to get away from my usual routines. A change to think about stuff I usually don’t get around to.
The cottage had a bath tub. Since I don’t have one at home I decide to try if bathing is as boring as I remember from my childhood. (It wasn’t.)
While soaking in my bath I started thinking about the subjects I choose to draw. Although I have drawn a lot of trees over the last year I find that I’m drawn to the more abstract subjects. I was wandering why that would be. Having a photographic memory and having given myself the assignment to draw the pictures in my mind I always thought that I would like real subjects in stead of abstract.
Thinking about it I realized that having a photographic memory is part of the reason why I don’t like real subject.
I’ve already seen it.
I don’t have pictures on my walls because repeatedly seeing the same pictures feels like reading a book for the ten thousands time. Drawing something I’ve seen feels like writing a book that already has been written a thousand times. A waste of time.
But thinking a little more I realized that this isn’t the only reason. It isn’t even the main reason.
I never realized it but I use my photographic memory in much the same way as other people use the snapshots of their holiday. I have this vast archive of every kind of picture you can imagine in my head but I hardly ever look at them.
These few day, just after getting back from holiday, I tend to remember odds and ends from my holiday. Sometimes in at work when I’m really bored I will try to remember nice pictures of beaches and orange skies.
But most of the time I’m busy thinking about the world around me: The relationship between people, objects and people and object. Those pictures tend to be fairly abstract.
Which means that drawing the pictures in my mind should mean drawing a lot of abstract pictures.
By nature autistics are interested in science, politics and religion.
Being on holiday with these people gave me a relieve from the daily discussions about “Goede tijden, slechte tijden” (the Dutch “As the world turns”). Stretching my brain to think about peoples opinions and thinking of arguments to support mine. After years of being bored to death I really felt my juices starting to flow again.
So much so that I re-thought my plans for the coming few years.
A year ago I had the idea that I should be possible to get a better job then the unskilled labour I’ve been doing the last few years. I found a psychologist that could help me figure out what my skills are and what kind of traits I bring to the table. But it has been slow going.
Turns out that it is almost impossible for a 46 year old gifted autistic to find an interesting job.
If I only were 20 years younger…
Until two weeks ago I thought that the only thing I had to expect from life was doing unskilled labour, drawing and writing art reviews. A rather depressing out look.
But after having a few interesting discussions during my holiday I realized that there is an other way to broaden my horizon. I could go back to school.
Not as a means to get a job but as a means to meet interesting people and to get infected with new and provoking ideas.
A bit to my disappointment the cottages where equipped with a television set. I wouldn’t have thought it necessary. Being on holiday with a group of interesting people I would have been content with filling my days with interesting conversations and doing games. But a few of my mates couldn’t go a day without their daily share of political news.
A habit of one of my mates got me thinking about time management.
This guy had to put the television set of (using the button on the set) before he went to bed. I don’t know why. Probably just because it was his habit. Autistics are funny that way.
It meant that every time somebody wanted to watch some show he first had to go the set and turn it on before using the remote to change the channel. Having to turn the television on by hand was so much of obstacle that people watch much less television then I had feared.
Back home I realized that watching television is the most important reason why I don’t get around to drawing and writing as much as I want.
When I eat my lunch, or any other meal, I’m tempted to turn on the television and sit there for 30 to 60 minutes watching something totally unimportant and uninteresting. I could have eaten my lunch in 5 minutes and then done something I really enjoy.
Even worse. When I’m bored I turn the television on.
In stead of looking 5 minutes out of a window and thinking of something enjoyable or useful I could do, I spend an evening watching time slip through my fingers.
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