A new therapy is going to influence the way I draw.

The series about what I learn in cognitive behavior therapy consist of the following parts:

1. Cognitive behavior therapy
2. Strong anonymous feelings
3. 751
4. Feeling scared
5. Accepting comments selectively
6. Mad as Hell

The last 25 years I’ve seen the inside of many an psychiatrists office. Talking about my feelings they tried to help me with all the problems I felt I had. I did learn to talk about the feelings and thoughts and goals they thought that I should have.
But it never worked. I always had the feeling that I had more problems.

At some point a psychiatrist accused me of being addicted to talking to psychiatrists. After that I stopped seeing them. Not because I felt that the problems were solved. But because I felt they just didn’t listen to me.

Last week I’ve started a new therapy. Or at least I don’t think it’s completely new, but it is to me.
This therapy is especially geared towards people who are autistic.
Although I’ve only had two sessions and don’t jet know how this therapy will work it has already solved more problems and given more clarity then any therapy I’ve had until now.

Analyzing my toilet problems I’ve found that I had taught myself to go to the toilet right before I left my home and again in the train on route to my work.
Which means that if the train is late (which happens every 1 out of 2 days) I have a slight panic attack. And since panic intensifies bowl movements the problems keeps getting worse.
The solution turned out to be very easy. I just have to tell myself not to use the toilet in the train but the toilet at work.
(Of course one of the main differences between autistics and non-autistics is that we look at the logic of a situation while you look at your feelings: Convince and autistic that smoking is bad for your health and he will quit. Try to convince a non-autistic and he will tell you that it makes him feel alright and therefore it can’t be bad for his health.)

A problem that is getting clarified has to do with drawing.
I started drawing and this blog in the hopes that I would learned how I should use my photographic memory. But in the last year I found that I had ever more problems remembering and drawing nice pictures.
I thought that it had something to do with my lack of drawing skills. But thanks to the therapy I’m finding that it has something to do with my lack of memory skills.
More specifically. Trying to remember details in picture evokes very strong feelings. Although I don’t recognize the feelings I’m assuming they are nice feelings.
But I still find it very hard to deal with strong feelings that I don’t recognize. To the point were I tend to avoid those strong feelings. And since remembering details evokes strong feelings I tend to avoid remembering details.

In the therapy I’m going to work on recognizing strong feelings and dealing with strong feelings. I’m fairly optimistic that my drawings will improve as I learn to deal with those feelings.
And I’m hoping that my computer problems will allow me the time to write about this.