I had a panic attact at my work last week Wednesday and Thursday.
Wednesday they gave me other work then I’m used to. Well actually the same work but in a different room with different people. It caught me off gaurd.
For some reason I reacted very strongly but without recognizing my own reaction. I didn’t treet people very nice.
Thursday they gave me back my my own work. But I felt very anxiet so I took some sick leave expecting that it would pass. But it didn’t. Last Tuesday I felt fine until entered the building were I work. I felt some strange sensation in my throat and on my chest.
It took me nearly two hours to recognize it as a feeling of fear.
It took me a few days to figure out why I felt fear at my work and why I’m still feeling fear. It has to do with the agreement I made with my employer.
As an autistic I need al lot of structure. I need to know what will happen to me and what kind of work I will do and where I will do that work.
I’ve been working with Promen for the last seven years and I found them to be a very chaotic. Over the last couple of years I have had several times that I was reprimanded for doing exactly what they told me to do the day before. Then the next day they changed there minds again and again reprimanded me for doing what I was told to do. Then the they would change there mind again, and again…
You can expect the same kind of trouble when you enter in an agreement with them: The person who is responsible for transportation won’t bring me to my place of work because I didn’t tell him that I had to go there. He doesn’t even seem to realize that it is not my place to tell him what to do. Next they called me to ask me whether I would agree to changing the agreement because it would be much easier, on them, if they didn’t have to do what we agreed upon.
According to the agreement I would get a secondment with the company Lemkes and if Lemkes didn’t have any work for my I would go to a specific interal department.
Actualy Lemkes isn’t a very good workplace for me. It’s a very nice small company with a varying workload and a varying amount of temps. Which means that it isn’t structured. But even with the varying workload and varying amound of temps it’s still more structured then Promen.
Working with Lemkes was kind of an escape from Promen. It’s kind of strange that someone with a disability would need to escape from the company that is set up especialy for people with disabilities.
Now I’m at the mercy of Promen and that’s a fightning prospect.
Boy in swimming trunk partial portrait
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